Thursday, 17 September 2009

Laurel & Hardy ….

…. build a shower.

Have you ever assembled flat pack furniture? Ikea or MFI (r.i.p.) perhaps. Imagine the instructions that come with the pack. Now remove most of the wording in those instructions. Then delete a few steps in the process. Maybe throw in a few pictures of something you don’t actually need to assemble. And lo and behold, you have the instructions to the shower for our en-suite bathroom. Next add Dave to the mix – he would usually prefer to ignore instructions, is peeved because his solo attempt at shower building failed and has been forced to call in reinforcements. Enter me – I follow instructions to the letter (even if there are no letters), am the Betty Boop of the diy world and have the patience of a saint who is very impatient.

8:30 a.m. – construction begins; screw top of cubicle to side of cubicle. Done. Screw bottom of cubicle to side of cubicle. Dave curses low quality workmanship in manufacture of screw head (or words to that effect).

9:00 a.m. – finally get bottom of cubicle screwed to top of cubicle.

9:15 a.m. – Philippa curses manufacturer for providing incorrect plastic seal. Dave points out that the diagram is upside down.

9:50 a.m. – Philippa loses balance while trying to fit protective cap on glass, realises just in time that grabbing on to loose glass wall of cubicle to stop fall would be a bad idea and tumbles into corridor. Dave raises eyebrow, Philippa giggles.

10:15 a.m. – Philippa spends ages forcing door trim onto door. Dave points out that the wrong trim is on the wrong door. Philippa curses Dave.

10:40 a.m. – Philippa just can’t get the little plastic cap onto the door spring as it is clearly far too big and there isn’t a hope in hell of getting the cap on. Dave slips cap onto spring. Philippa leaves room and sucks up mosquitos with the hoover instead.

11:25 a.m. Dave admires completed shower cubicle. Philippa goes to get a biscuit and thanks the Lord that there are no more showers to be built.

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