Litter sucks. It’s unsightly, hazardous to wildlife and bad for puppies who eat anything and everything (and equally bad, if not worse, for owners who have to clear up after puppies who eat anything and everything and consequently end up with a dicky tummy). The litter bugs even find their way to “the middle of nowhere” (to quote our city dwelling friends). We are victims of the drive-by, burger eating litter monster who frequents the MacDonalds in Aberystwyth, spends the 25 minute journey from there to here scoffing his burger and fries (it so has to be a male!), then tosses the packaging out of the car window and into the hedgerow down our lane. Perhaps it’s the same person who drinks McEwans Export and kicks the can into the ditch, where it magically doesn’t disappear but becomes a nutrition free gum slashing snack for the ponies in the field. Teri and I regularly return from our afternoon stroll with a booty of assorted plastic bottles – last week we bagged three 5 litre Morrisons vegetable oil bottles, no doubt discarded by a hard up farmer who’s reluctant to spend his precious pennies on diesel for his decrepid Land Rover.
Where am I going with this mini-rant? Well, as of this week I will be going by the title of Litter Champion. Keep Wales Tidy heard of my one woman crusade and rushed to sign me up to their campaign. Ok, so I’ve bigged myself up a little there. In fact I contacted them, had a coffee with my local Project Officer, signed a bit of paper to say I won’t sue anyone if I accidentally fall in a ditch and break my ankle, and took delivery of my Litter Champion Pack. Here I am modelling the latest fashions that the Litter Champions of Wales will be seen wearing on the streets this season...
Check out the practical yet stylish all weather poncho in cherry red; the logo emblazoned t-shirt with complimentary litter grabber and blue litter collecting bag guaranteed to mesmerise even the most excitable of puppies; and the highlight of the autumn collection, the one size fits all high-vis gilet, available in fluorescent yellow only.
It’s not all fun, fun, fun for the Litter Champion. I’m accountable for my litter collection performance, keeping monthly records of my hoard and providing photo evidence to prove I do actually pound the streets sporting my poncho and gilet, striking fear into the hearts of the litter bugs of Bethania. I’m watching you!